


Stripped

by Arlene0401



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, M/M, Post-Canon, set after chapter 90
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 05:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10507536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlene0401/pseuds/Arlene0401
Summary: Without each other, "humanity's hope" and "humanity's strongest" are nothing. But stripped of titles and ranks, Eren and Levi find an even stronger source of hope and strength in each other.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution to ereri canonverse weekend 2017!  
> Many thanks to [sciencefictioness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencefictioness/pseuds/sciencefictioness) for proofreading this <3
> 
> EDIT: I intended this to be a three chapter fic, but sadly I had to discontinue it. But I think it stands quite well as a oneshot.

“Are you crying, Eren?”

Eren winced and hastily wiped his eyes.

“ ‘m not,” he muttered.

Levi flopped down in the sand next to him.

“Don’t lie to me.” It came out slightly slurred. The brandy that Hanji had brought out to celebrate the day seemed to have some effect on him. He took another swig from the bottle before offering it to Eren.

“Shouldn’t this be a happy day for you? You kids have been dribbling about the ocean since forever. Now we’re here, and you’re sitting alone in the dark, sulking. What’s up?”

Eren accepted the bottle and grimaced at the burn of the liquid. Levi leaned back on his elbows, staring up at the starlit sky, and didn’t seem to expect an immediate answer. They sat a while in companionable silence and swapped the bottle back and forth. Eren was grateful for Levi’s habitual roundabout route of offering to listen. He always acted as if he couldn’t care less if you answered his questions. If you decided that you wanted to talk, he’d hear you out. If not, fine.

“It’s probably dumb…”

“Can’t be dumber than any other shit you spout, kid.”

“It’s true we dreamed of this day since we were kids,” Eren started slowly, “but it’s… it’s nothing like I thought it would be.” He fell silent again, chewing on his bottom lip.

“We thought it would be our happy end. We thought if we managed to kill all the titans, we would have a whole world to ourselves, and be free. But it was all just a stupid dream. Yes, we did defeat all the fucking titans, and we’re here at the fucking ocean, but so what? Hundreds of soldiers died, thousands even, and we’re still prisoners! We’re stuck on this goddamn island, and everybody wants us dead! And we destroyed the only thing that, in fact, protected us from them!”

Eren had grown louder and louder while he talked, and now he scrambled to his feet. “It was… it was all in vain, Levi! Everything we did, everything that our people fought and died for!” He gesticulated wildly in the direction of the sea, liquid sloshing from the bottle in his grasp. “This! This means nothing! Absolutely nothing!”

Fresh tears streamed down his face. Levi reached up and gently wrestled the brandy bottle from his hand before he could - accidentally or otherwise - smash it. The booze must have been worth at least two months of Hanji’s wages, after all.

Eren dropped to the ground again, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his forearms. “I don’t know what to do,” he sniffled. “We’ll never be free. There will always be another enemy, and another, and another, and in the end we will just fail and die.”

“That doesn’t sound like the Eren I know at all,” Levi said. “Where’s the Eren who cried: ‘Put all your faith in me!’?”

“You kicked his face in,” Eren replied glumly, and Levi snorted. Then he became serious again.

“As long as I can remember, getting out of the underground was the only dream I ever had. In the end, my dream killed the only friends I had. I stopped dreaming then. Erwin… he was different. He was on a mission, and regardless of how many men and women fell victim to it, he carried on. I thought that if I couldn’t have hopes of my own, maybe I could live for other people’s hopes. So I followed him, and I did as I was told, over and over. I… I don’t know what would have become of me otherwise. He had an idea, a vision, and he would have set the whole world on fire if he had to.” Levi paused to drink more brandy.

“And on the day he died, when you fought me over the serum -”

“Please don’t, Levi, I -”

“- When you fought me, I saw it in your eyes. The same madness, the same passion. You were ready to sacrifice everything… and I knew that if I let Erwin go for Armin’s sake, you would have the spirit to keep us going. Keep _me_ going.”

Eren was stunned. “Me? But I thought… Armin… and Hanji…”

“Armin? Sure, he’s smart. Maybe even halfway equal to Erwin. But he is ready to sacrifice his hopes for the sake of others. And Hanji may be an experienced soldier and hard-nosed enough to pull every dirty trick in the book to accomplish what needs doing, but she isn’t a visionary. Hanji is practical down to the bone. No, it’s you, Eren. They don’t call you humanity’s hope for nothing.”

“Humanity’s hope, right,” Eren parroted, contempt lacing his voice.

“ _My_ hope, then,” Levi said, so quiet it hardly carried over the rolling of the waves. “They call me humanity’s strongest, but the source of my strength lies outside of me. With someone else’s determination to carry me, I can accomplish anything. At your will, I will shed the blood of a thousand men. But without your hope… I have nothing to fight for.”

Eren’s mind was reeling. Never had it crossed his mind that there was any way Levi relied on him, needed him. He had always thought of himself as a nuisance, a charge to watch over, a tool to be used. That he held the keys to Levi’s commitment turned his world upside down.

“So we’re both lost, then,” he ventured finally. In the faint light of the moon and stars, he could feel more than see Levi nod.

“And without us… everyone on Paradis is lost.”

“I wouldn’t go as far -”

“Shh. I’m thinking.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

A few minutes of silence ticked by, during which Levi drained the bottle and wondered if he would come to regret it the next morning. Probably not, since they all had had their fair share of the brandy, before Eren disappeared somewhere in the darkness. Everyone else fell asleep around the fire, exhausted from the long journey and the day’s excitements.

Eren’s mind wandered, to his comrades whose childish wonder he could no longer share, having seen the ocean in his titan’s memories and knowing what lay beyond. To Pixis and Zackley, to the royals and politicians who were caught in their own spider web of greed, fear and corruption. To Hanji, so disillusioned and cold ever since she became commander. He found all of them slipping through his fingers, nothing to hold on to, right now not even Mikasa and Armin. No, whatever he was looking for, he wasn’t going to find it in them. He had to find it in himself.

“Levi, have you unpacked your bags?”

“I have.” Levi studied his face in the dim light, trying to get a read on him. “But I know where everything is.”

Of course. Old soldier habit. Always place your stuff in the same order, so you can find it even in complete darkness.

Eren got up and wiped the sand off his pants. “Meet me at the horses.”

Swift and silent, they moved through the camp and got their gear and bags.

“And what exactly,” Levi quietly asked while he saddled his mare, “are we doing, Eren?”

“We’re both lost, right? So, we’re going to find ourselves.”

Levi stilled in his movements. “Could you express it any more clichè if you tried?”

“Hm, we’re deserting? Taking a break? Going AWOL?” Eren adjusted the bridle and ignored his horse’s cranky attempts to nibble on his coat. “Whatever you want to call it, we’re being selfish for once.”

Unable to cover the noise, they set off as quickly as they dared in the darkness, although Eren doubted they would be followed.

For the next days they followed the coastline away from the quay, and as the depressing monument of human cruelty and hatred disappeared from view, their hearts became lighter. At first they didn’t talk much, not used to each other’s company in a setting that wasn’t professional. 

Eren was the first to gradually lose his shyness, used to not having much privacy anyway. There weren’t many aspects of his life that his superiors weren’t privy to, and in the course of her experiments Hanji had recorded everything from his nasal secretion to his bowel movements.

Furthermore, with Armin and Mikasa he had gotten used to saying whatever crossed his mind, and old habits die hard. Levi didn’t seem to be bothered by his rambling, and Eren didn’t mind his lack of contribution. Even if the conversations were mostly one-sided, it helped him sort his thoughts. Still, he had to assure himself something.

“Levi, does it bother you that I talk so much about myself?”, he asked one night, when they were bundled up in their sleeping bags and staring at the endless sky.

“What gives you that idea?”

“Nothing, I just… well you hardly say anything, so I thought you might be bored.”

“I’m not,” Levi replied, and after a short pause he added: “It’s nice.”

Eren’s heart skipped a beat. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” There was a smile in Levi’s voice.

Another silence.

“Can I ask you something?”

Eren heard Levi turning on his side. “Sure, go ahead.”

“Can you tell me something about yourself? I don’t mean to pry, but… it would be nice to know you a little better.”

“Why would you want to know stuff about me?”

“Well, I figured since we’re technically on the run, we could do this as… friends?”

“Friends…”, Levi said, as if the word was totally alien to him.

“I’m - sorry if I overstepped any boundaries, I know you’re my superior and everything - “

“That’s not it, Eren.” Levi sighed, weighing his words. “Everyone I ever trusted is dead. Or deserted me.” It sounded bitter.

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing you have to apologize for.”

Eren fell still for such a long time that Levi thought he’d surely fallen asleep.

“You must be very lonely.”

“I’ve never thought much about it.”

“But it’s terrible! Someone like you… you don’t deserve it.”

“Someone like me? What, humanity’s strongest?”

“No, I mean you, as a person. You sacrificed so much - and you’re so kind and caring…”

“Kid, you must be mistaking me for someone else.”

“It’s true. You couldn’t be you, and do what you do, without caring for others.” Eren reached out in the darkness, feeling for Levi’s hand. “Can you - let me be there for you. Please, Levi.”

“I don’t need any pity,” he answered, but squeezed Eren’s hand back nevertheless.

“Not pity. You said I was important to you. Well, you’re important to me too. And not just as my captain, and the person who saved my ass countless times from myself.”

“I was - “

“Only doing your job, I know.” Eren smiled to himself. 

Maybe Levi had only done his job, maybe not, but running away with Eren was definitely not part of his duty. Running away with Eren was illogical, irresponsible, and selfish. It contradicted everything that Levi valued. And yet, he had agreed without a second’s hesitation, and without any regret once he had sobered up. He could have used his authority to get Eren back on track. He could have ordered him to shut up and get his shit together. But he had chosen to accompany Eren on his quest for whatever he needed to get his drive back. 

It warmed Eren’s heart and made him extremely grateful. More than ever he knew that, with Levi by his side, there was nothing for him to fear. That he could trust the man more than he could trust himself. 

“Thank you,” he yawned, already half asleep, still holding on to Levi’s hand.

After that, Levi slowly gave up his caginess. It was still pretty general bits and pieces he offered - books he had read, places he had seen. But it was a step away from titans and military chitchat, a step away from his comfort zone, and Eren greatly appreciated the gesture. And even these small glimpses at the man behind the uniform, at the quiet humor and analytic mind that hid behind a thicket of sarcasm and scowls, told him much more than Levi was probably aware that he let on.

Strewn in, as they proceeded physically and figuratively, small episodes and vignettes of the past. Familiar faces, joys and sorrow, and Eren dutifully picked them up and stored them away to ponder over in the solitude of the night.

He listened without interrupting, paying close attention to what was said just as much as to what wasn’t verbalized. Let his mind sink into the space between the words. Felt decades old defences and self preservation mechanisms there, and behind those, a barren land of hurt and reclusion.

The feeling nearly floored Eren, but he refused to cry or feel sorry for Levi. It only served to slowly mold his feelings into something more personal, something warmer, softer, than the respect he held for his childhood hero. Eren had always wanted to please and be appraised by Levi - a child’s wish for acknowledgement that was ultimately selfish. But now he began to see that Levi was infinitely more worthy than the soldier they dubbed “humanity’s strongest”. Now, he wanted to please Levi not to gain something for himself in return, but out of the sincere wish to make him happy. For so long, Levi had given himself to mankind without ever getting anything back. Neither love nor friendship had ever been his, not after his friends he had planned to bring from the underground had died. Partly because he kept everyone at a distance out of fear of getting hurt again, partly because no one cared enough to look past a name and a badge at the person Levi Ackerman.

Eren himself had never wasted a thought about what Levi felt. What he was like in private, what he liked or disliked. Now, he felt a strange urge to fill in the empty map that his captain was to him. And, with every vacant spot that disappeared, he felt more of a gentle pull towards the man. Gentle but inescapable like the ebb and flow of the endless body of water before them.

He caught himself watching Levi, staring even. Levi warming his fingers around that first cup of tea in the morning, folding his blankets with precise movements, absent-mindedly picking at a blade of grass. The barely noticeable limp. The faint lines starting to form at the corners of his eyes and on his forehead. Levi filing his fingernails, grooming his mare and softly talking to her, letting the sun shine on his upturned face with closed eyes. Trivial, private little moments. Moments that inexplicably made Eren’s heart skip and took his mind a thousand miles away. He became highly conscious of every movement and sound that Levi made.

Levi, of course, was aware of the increasing amount of time that Eren’s eyes rested on him. For some reason he couldn’t fathom, it didn’t bother him like he would have expected. Maybe because both the look of nervous admiration from their early days, and the gut-gnawing guilt at his act of rebellion and defiance, had fled the boy. He doubted he would have had much patience with puppy love, or a whipped puppy. But being looked at like just an ordinary fellow human - it wasn’t bad.

It was a long time since anyone had looked at him like that, without calculation, expectation or command. Respect there was, trust, something like growing affection and friendship. It was soothing and comforting in ways he never knew he sorely needed, and he couldn’t help turning towards it like a flower turns to the sun. 

He found himself disclosing things he never had considered speaking about to another person. Slowly laying down his defenses one by one, although he had long ago decided to be better off holding onto them. And Eren, who under any other circumstances couldn’t keep his mouth shut to save his life, listened without judging or questioning, patiently waited for Levi to strip off layer after layer and bare his true self.

It was a frightening and exhilarating experience, and more than once Levi wondered if he would come to regret sharing all these intimate thoughts and memories with Eren. Probably not, since the boy had never been anything but an open book around him. Forthright and honest, he didn’t keep anything from Levi, even the things that wouldn’t speak in his favor. The murderous rage that had led him to killing two grown men at the age of nine instead of calling for help like every other kid would have done, the brawls with street brats that Mikasa regularly had to get him out of. His irrational jealousy of Jean, his insecurities, he spread it all out willingly for Levi to see.

Then, one evening, Levi found himself telling Eren about Isabel and Farlan. Eren had heard the rumours about Levi being an ex thug, and listened attentively. They were sitting on a small hill facing the ocean, and Levi found it easier to speak with his eyes directed to a formation of rain clouds far out over the sea. How they had been planning to steal compromising papers from Erwin, and managed to let themselves be caught and ultimately hired by the Survey Corps. How they had leap frogged into their first expedition with barely any training, resulting in his friends’ deaths. How he had sworn to kill Erwin but, with his blade already on the man’s throat, let himself be persuaded to eliminate their true enemy.

“To everyone else, Farlan and Isabel were merely a couple of faces that came and went within the course of a few weeks, just some more titan fodder to be forgotten. And now… the only ones who still remember that they even existed are Hanji and me. They gave their lives without ever meaning to, without achieving anything, and yet they never hesitated for a second.”

He stared ahead with unseeing eyes, and didn’t even notice his clouded vision or the moisture on his face until a warm arm wrapped around his shoulders. Cautiously, Eren edged closer, and when Levi made no attempt to fight him off, cradled the smaller man in his arms. He didn’t say anything, simply held Levi and let him cry. 

Once the gates were opened, Levi was overwhelmed by the turmoil of grief, unpracticed in letting his emotions free reign. It was anguish, agony that ached physically like an open wound. He fought it, trying to suppress the tears and sobs, but soon he wailed into Eren’s chest anyway, grabbed fistfuls of his shirt as if holding on for dear life.

Eventually, he ran out of tears. Eventually, his voice was hoarse from crying, and if Eren hadn’t held him tightly, he would have slipped to the ground, drained and exhausted. Somehow, Eren managed to bundle them up in blankets and lay them down, uncaring of his wet shirt and curled protectively around Levi.

At sunrise, Levi jerked awake and was disoriented for a moment. It was unbelieveable that he could have slept the whole night like a log, yet that was exactly what seemed to have happened. He still felt emotionally raw and tired, but beneath that was a peace inside he hadn’t felt in his entire life. He sat up and watched the faint light of morning glitter on the calm waves, the clouds of the night having disappeared to make way for an immaculate sky.

Beside him, Eren stirred and grumbled and finally woke up. He blinked owlishly at the figure sitting beside him, yawned and stretched, his joints making a little chorus of pops and cracks in the process. Then he too sat up.

“Morning. Do you - are you alright?” His still sleep-puffy face was concerned.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Levi hedged. Suddenly he felt insecure about what Eren might think of his past as well as his breakdown. “What about you?”

“I’m fine, why?”

“Because, well… finding out what a fine captain you have. Underground scum.” _Who bawled like a baby in your arms_ , Levi silently added, loathing himself for the shameful display.

“You can’t change where you come from,” Eren said, trying to get a read on Levi. Sure, what he had shared with Eren must have been one of his most personal things, but why did he seem so upset? Then it dawned on him.

“Levi, showing emotions is okay. Showing weakness and vulnerability is okay.” He reached up to place a hand on Levi’s cheek. “I said I want to learn about you, and I stand by that. You can tell me what you feel, and show me all your sides, and I won’t think any less of you. If anything, it makes you dearer to me.” He blushed brightly and pulled his hand back as if burned.

“Besides, you have seen all my worst sides too,” he mumbled and picked some nonexistent lint from his blanket.

Levi smirked, feeling a little relieved. His ears had turned a pale shade of pink, but luckily Eren would never know, avoiding his gaze like he was.

“Plenty,” he said. “Stubborn, loud mouthed, irrational, immature -”

“Okay, I think that’s enough, I get the message!” Eren laughed.

“- hotheaded, talks to himself, reckless, selfish -”

“Ouch.” Eren’s smile slid right off his face. He drew his knees up, posture suddenly defensive.

“Eren, I’m sorry -”

“No, you’re right. I… alright, we never properly talked about the day on the roof, did we? And if we don’t, it will always stand between us.” He swallowed and tried to collect his thoughts.

“You’re right, I am selfish. And I was so full of self-righteousness too, believing I had a cause and reasons for my behaviour, when in reality I was terrified to lose my friend.”

“Eren, I said the subject is done for me.”

“But to me, it isn’t! You know what is the worst? What I cannot forgive myself? When I accused _you_ of being selfish, and only wanting to save Erwin because he was closer to you. The hurt in your face… it was awful.”

“Listen, Eren. Just because you fight for the same cause as other people, doesn’t mean you have to be of the same opinion all the time. Yes, we were all struggling to eliminate the titans, but each of us picks their own means and weapons. Each of us has their own priorities. There isn’t a thing as right or wrong, it isn’t as easy as black and white. Someone who is your ally today can be your enemy tomorrow. In the end, every one of us fights their own war.”

Levi regarded Eren, who was still picking at his blanket miserably.

“It’s a hard lesson to learn, Eren. Maybe the hardest. Some never come to accept it.”

“I guess I know. Somehow I’ve always known. But I hate it. I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to fall apart with Armin or Mikasa. But as much as I don’t want it, it can happen, right?”

“Yes.”

Eren looked up, meeting Levi’s gaze. “Is there a way to avoid it?”

“The only thing we can do is try to understand each other. Plan ahead. Discuss possibilities.” Levi took Eren’s hand in his. “Treat each other with respect and fairness.”

A small smile passed between them. Slowly, Levi leaned forward. His eyes flitted down to Eren’s mouth, then up again.

“Can I -”

“Levi, wait.” Eren placed the fingers of his free hand on Levi’s lips. “You know I only have a couple of years to live, at the most… are you sure you want this?”

“We could be dead tomorrow, kid. I think it’s pretty clear that what we feel has surpassed friendship, hasn’t it? If it’s for a day, or a lifetime… who cares?”

Eren smiled. “No regrets?”

“Damn right.” Levi closed the distance and gently pressed his lips to Eren’s. It was just a chaste peck, but Eren’s heart hammered in his chest as if he’s run a mile nevertheless.

“Right. Tea, breakfast, toothbrush,” Levi muttered. “Sorry to kill the mood, but I’m not very into morning breath kisses.”

During breakfast, Eren mulled things over.

“Levi, I have to tell you something. I haven’t talked to anyone about it, not even Mikasa and Armin.”

“I’m all ears.”

“You know that the coordinate can only be used by someone of royal blood?”

“Yes, That’s why you can’t use it.”

“But I could. Twice.”

“Twice?”

“Once after I hit a titan. After I gained my father’s memory, I realized that this titan was Dinah Fritz.”

“So you think that touching her unlocked the skill in you?”

“For a short while. And then… when I kissed Historia’s hand…”

Levi sat bolt upright. “Historia is truly of royal blood!”

“Yes. So she is the only one who could make use if the coordinate.”

“And you didn’t say anything because you wanted to protect her.” Levi nodded. “I understand.”

He drank his tea. “But Eren… why did it never cross your mind to tell _Historia_?”

“I - what?”

“She holds the key. It should be her decision what to do with it. She’s tougher than you give her credit for.”

Eren looked as if he’d been punched in the head. “I’m so fucking stupid. But Levi… what if Zackley and the higher ups take the choice away from us?”

“We won’t let them,” Levi said simply.

“No. We won’t let them. We… fuck, Levi, we have three of the nine titans, and the queen to command them!”

Eren was kneeling in front of Levi now, hands grasping his shoulders. There was a light in his eyes. Fever. Determination. A look that Levi had sorely missed ever since they had been in the damn basement, and his blood sang.

“Four,” he whispered, “if we get the female titan out of Leonhardt.”

A devious grin split Eren’s face. “Fuck, I love you, Levi.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find my SNK and personal blog under [glassesgirl0401](http://glassesgirl0401.tumblr.com)
> 
> EDIT: I am truly sorry for anyone who waited for this to be continued, but the longer this sat in my wips and I tried and wrote and edited and polished, I couldn't make it work. It felt forced and unnatural, and rather than posting a shitty fic I will leave this as it is. Sincere thanks to anybody who stuck around and left me nice and encouraging comments, your support was much appreciated.


End file.
